life

Somehow I wasnt surprised when the only available room was at the Rita hotel.
There was something in the name... I wonder. It felt like fate. even if I dont believe in it any longer, yet the universe conspires against that particular belief. It drops signs at me on every corner.

I had the strangest dream when I stayed there the first night. It was particularly vivid. There was something in it. In the dream. A message about our ended relationship. In our dream it was impossible to communicate, we found it impossible to understand each other. I had childhood friends there, people I havent spoken to in decades. Natalie from my childhood.. my first crush, Elsa from her side as well. Even Tanya from across the street! She cried. In my dream there were rivers of tears coming from her eyes. We fought in the street and drew a crowd. All the while she cried. Natalie wanted to take me away, but I went around the block and came back. I didnt want to leave here there crying in the street.

Why this dream? Why today? Is it the suggestiveness of the place? Is it the name? The fact that we were to come on this trip together? I dont know. But there's something about these dreams I am having lately. I dont know.

But I did wake up with the most amazing hard on from the dream. Yet theres was no sex in it. Nothing even suggestive. Just alot of fighting. Real fighting like she was really here with me. She was really yhere with me. In that place where dreams are.

I dont know. I love her still.
I dont know. I will stay another night in this asian excuse for a dump. Time will tell.